I Love This

Hope you guys had a great weekend. Today I just had to share a blog post with you written by my friend Annie. Annie is an incredible writer (she wrote THIS BOOK) and amazing volunteer at our Cross Point Downtown campus which primarily reaches college students. She wrote about an experience she had last week while sitting in on a panel about relationships. Check this out…

Last Sunday night, Cross Point Downtown campus did something awesome- we had a panel of five adults answering questions on relationships that the students texted in throughout the service. I got to represent all the single ladies and made enough Beyonce jokes to last at least until April.

The variety of questions were insane and as each one popped up on the screen, my brain would think, “please God give us wisdom” as we answered some hard questions and some legitimate concerns. More than once I said, “have mercy”- and not in the Uncle Jesse way. In the sad heart way.

About twenty minutes into the thirty minute session, a question popped on the screen that took my breath away. This is it as best I can remember:

I have this friend who is really pretty and really skinny. All the guys flock to her. I think I’m pretty too but guys aren’t flocking to me. Why don’t I get attention from guys?

My insides shriveled up like a raisin. Nope, I wasn’t taking this one. Sure, it was my EXACT worry my whole life and it is something I still struggle with, but I didn’t answer.

I am a coward.

That poor girl. There I was, sitting on the panel, able to offer her hope in the midst of the situation, and I didn’t do it.

I got in my car an hour later and I cried. Because my insecurities kept me from offering hope. My heart broke then, it’s breaking now as I write.

I am so sorry.

So I want to answer her question today in this post, at the encouragement of my absolutely amazing small group, and pray that somehow that sweet girl will see this. It doesn’t make up for my sin and cowardice, but maybe this will get to her somehow.

. . . . .

Dear Pretty Girl with a Pretty Friend,

If I would have been brave enough to answer your question on Sunday, this is what I would have said. I’m so sorry that you feel this way. It is so uncomfortable and awkward and every time it happens, you get a little reminder from the Devil that you aren’t enough. You wonder what you’ve done wrong and what she’s done right and the truth is nothing.

Pretty Girl, here’s what you need to know- while you are wishing a boy would notice you for your looks, your friend is wishing a boy would notice her for her brains or her jokes. While you are hoping that just one boy will talk to you, she is hoping that just one boy will look at her eyes instead of her boobs. While you are busy looking at the four boys who are ogling your friend, you may be missing that one sweet guy who is carefully observing you.

She hasn’t done anything wrong or right. Neither have you. You are both just living, struggling in your own quiet ways, and hearing lies that will try to polarize you from each other, from God, and from hope. Don’t believe the lies. Celebrate the beauty in her- and remind her how valuable she is to you. Celebrate the beauty in you – and remember that it only takes one.

In the end, you will each be with one. One man will pick you- that’s all it takes. One man will pick her. The numbers will be even and when they are, you will want your heart to be in a good place about it all. Start that now.

And yes- you are pretty. I can tell. You wouldn’t say it if it wasn’t unbelievably true. Cling to what you know and wait patiently with hope. It always pays off. Always.


18 Responses to “I Love This”

  1. Robin Pippin says:

    Bravo! And I am sending this to my two daughters.

  2. suzy says:

    You have already blessed many with this truth.
    I’ve survived through those decades of frantic insecurity and now I have a 13 year old daughter facing them. Even yesterday our small group (parents) discussed today’s seemingly worsening situation with girls feeling like they need to give so much up to get a boy’s attention. At school, in closets, everywhere. May your words change someone’s heart today.

    We ALL must be brave in speaking into the hearts and minds of our young people to stand themselves as individual children of a loving God (and earthly love from Godly people!!) I’m pretty crazy-vocal with my kids about our love, God’s love and standing firm amidst the brokenness of the world – and not just the adult world!

    Keep Lifting, Annie – every chance you get! You’re good at it. And thank you.

  3. Julie says:

    Thanks for sharing that, Pete. Another resource to share with young girls is Kissed the Girls and Made them Cry by Lisa Bevere.

    • JAN says:


  4. jan owen says:

    What a beautiful letter. I think most women feel the same way this girl did – and the way you did and do, Annie. I could have written her question myself as a teenager. I hardly ever dated. I didn’t stand out. (yet all my best friends did!) To this day I’d say men just don’t notice me in that way – I’ve NEVER been hit on ever and sometimes I still wonder what’s wrong with me. But as I’ve matured, I have had to come to realize it doesn’t matter how other men see me. My husband does love me and notice me. For some inexplicable reason he loves me and wants me just as I am, chunky thighs and turned up nose and all. I asked him one time what attracted him to me and he said “I just loved YOU.” He even refuses to this day to say “I liked your figure or your eyes or whatever…” because he says he loves all of me and was attracted to the totality of who I am (or was). That’s a beautiful kind of love. We’ve been married 28 years and that kind of love is worth the wait.

    Thanks Annie!

  5. Jamie says:

    Amazing response and what EVERY girl needs to know.

  6. This is a great letter. I hope that girl finds this somehow… but, regardless, I needed to hear this today. So, thanks for writing it.

  7. Jason says:

    To rip off Larry the Cable Guy…”That’s powerful stuff right there. I don’t care who you are that’s powerful stuff.”

  8. Amy says:

    I run a self-esteem course for girls in schools and I would love them all to read this. Thank you so much for sharing it.

  9. Allie S. says:

    So beautiful! Thank you for sharing Annie’s post!

  10. Connie says:

    Loved the response.

    I never had daughters. But even now I enjoy reading an e-mail everyday from The Brave Girls Club. It crosses the age span and provides good positive thoughts and high self esteem for every woman/girl who needs a lift.

  11. paulaswift says:

    Not just every girl needs to know…every woman needs to know!

  12. Jody says:

    Her post reminded me of a friend who texted me last night that he had lied to me about an appointment yesterday afternoon that he really didn’t have, so that he would look lazy. The courage Annie has to write this, and the freedom that my friend found in admitted his “falsehood” are priceless. Of course it reminded me of the first few lines of “How He Loves” by David Crowder.

  13. Beth says:

    This is a beautiful letter. I remember feeling the same way myself.

  14. […] lady called Annie wrote a guest post on Pete Wilson’s blog about her inability to respond to a question during a Q&A time at church. This was the […]

  15. Laura says:

    I just wondered, as it wasn’t made clear in the post, why you didn’t answer her question? And also, how did you manage to not answer her question if everyone was sat waiting for a reply?

  16. JAN says:

    this is a wonderful piece beautifully written & the TRUTH – but not the real world we live in – i so wish it was or each girl written about would not be feeling the way you described them. the positive way you wrote is from GOD/JESUS – but the awful reality is the world is not all GODLY… i so wish it was… ♥

  17. Tom Tyndall says:

    I’m likely too late for this to be seen, so even if it’s God alone, this blog was a heart-grabber, particularly for a father of three beautiful grown daughters. Their mother continues to be a 60-something knockout, and yet I’ve heard, particularly from truly beautiful women, “why am I not noticed?” The answers were wise, mysterious, probably more chemical than any of us would like to admit, male or female, and hopeful.

    Thanks, Pete, for whatever momentary bump prompted you to share this very insightful relationship blog entry. Glad I’m old, wrinkled and can’t even tell if girls/old women notice.

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